You must not, I repeat must not let me watch the first two consecutive episodes of Game of Thrones Season 2 tonight.
I am not at all ashamed to admit that the majority of my first 24 hours back in New York on staycation were spent ripping through all of season one. I did intend on waiting a full 24 hours before starting season 2, but it’s become apparent that tonight, I got a fever, and the only cure is more Game of Thrones.
However, I cannot, I must not, I will not watch more than the first episode of season 2 without taking a break to work on my freelance project that is due tomorrow. Even though I am technically unemployed this week and enjoying being able to do whaterr I want whenerr I want, all day, err day, I do like my freelancing job and I want to turn it in on time and get paid. If I allow myself — if you allow me — to watch one more episode, c’mon just one more, only one, I promise I’ll stop after that one, we all know that it will lead to just one more, what harm will one more do? I’ll work twice as hard after I promise, and then to At this point, I’m clearly not doing any work tonight so let’s just quit the pretense and watch as much as I friggin want to because it’s my vacation dammit, and then tomorrow will come and I’ll remember that one day is not enough time to write two quality articles, and I’ll have to beg my editor for more time and make some excuse like I do every month, and that’s just not cool. The buck needs to stop somewhere, and internet, I’m deciding it stops here.
So, no matter what I say, what I do, what I threaten, what I promise, under no circumstances — and I mean absolutely positively none whatsoever on this earth, in the starts above, in heaven or hell or any alternate universe or plane of existence — may I follow the first episode of GOT season 2 with a viewing of the second episode of season 2, without first accomplishing a sizable amount of writing/research on my freelance assignment. One (1) shall be the number of episodes I shall watch before working on my freelance assignment, and the number of episodes I shall watch before working on my freelance assignment shall be one (1). The number shall not be two (2). The number shall not be zero (0), unless it be followed by one (1).
Being the people of the interwebs, I know you might want to say, “Screw your assignment, just do it! Just watch all of the episodes. ALL OF THE EPISODES. GoT is such a good show, it’s totally justifiable, and I can’t believe it’s taken this long for you to get into it.” I grant you permission to say this, but ONLY if it is out loud to your computer screen or in your head or in any other manner that prevents your message from actually getting to me. Sending this message by raven is also acceptable, given that you live more than one day’s journey away from me, as the crow flies. The above guidelines also apply if you are inclined to give spoilers. Please see below for the likewise applicable punishment.
You might also say, “If you had just done your assignments on any one of the 23 other days since you received your assignment, you wouldn’t be in this situation and could watch as much TV as you want.” To you I say, thanks for being a loyal reader, Mom. I love you!
I am holding you all accountable. ALL OF YOU, INTERNET. I have washed my hands of this, this burden is now on your shoulders. To explain another way, if you allow me to watch more than the first episode of season two without first doing my work, you will be charged with Treason Against the Realm of My Sanity and Good Work Ethic, and we all know what happens to traitors. At least I do, because I finally watched season one.
Also, dragons. Just had to mention that somewhere.
So in sum, internet, hold me accountable! And I don’t mean that in the whole, I’ll ask you to be my hand and help me but then get mad at you when you actually try to help me and ignore you and do whatever the heck I want. Actually, that’s probably exactly how it will go, but that’s why I’m writing this letter in the first place, so stand firm! Stand up to me, internet! The well-being of the realm is in your hands!